


Super Smash Bros Ultimate: The True Story Mode

by Hans_Gonk



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Crack, F/M, M/M, Romance, Thriller, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 12:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17745818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hans_Gonk/pseuds/Hans_Gonk
Summary: This ain't no Infinity War this is a story of time. Oh yeah, we're going there. Something's gone wrong in the happy go-lucky world of Nintendo. People are dying, evil is winning Captain Falcon and Link go back in time to fix the conondrum to fix it only to screw themselves over ending up becoming a mystery of what happened? Who dunnit? And why is living worth while? All answers such as the ones featured in this fan fiction will affect you in the future.God help us...





	Super Smash Bros Ultimate: The True Story Mode

Samus, Mario, and Mega Man walk down a bridge in abandon lab. As they walk down something too big flies over them. Mega Man gets stabbed in the chest and Samus and Mario act like notshing’s a big deal and keep walking down the bridge. Then Mario gets grabbed by Rildey OOP spoilers, and got his skull crushed. Samus has the intuition of a 5 year old and realizes Mega Man and Mario aren’t following her. She takes a deep breath and turns around points her blaster only seeing the hat of a Mario. THEN RIDLEY COMES RIGHT THE FUCK IN and spins Mario’s hat like a fucking basketball. That’s right, Ridley shanked the motha fuckas, and Samus explodes and now is butt fucking naked about to karate kick the dark space dragon of destruction though to not be racist, a light space dragon of destruction is equally bad. And Ridley eats her.  
SUPER SMASH BROS.  
ULTIMATE  
The Story Mode  
In an avant garde place in time, Captain Falcon, Link, Star Fox and Marth are standing on top on what looks to be a desert. Why did I say avant garde place in time? WHO CARES! They’re all bloodied and bruised. Marth is pissed and he grabs Link’s shoulders and shakes him.  
“LINK!!!!” Marth yelled. “You are pointless to the fight!”  
“AAAAAH!!!” Shouted Link.  
“Rink.” Captain Falcon somenly speaks. “You are too row tiered for this battle. Give us the hat.”  
“SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” Link shouted in rage.  
“Link.” Star Fox approaches Link. “It’s the only way.” He starts crying “It’s the only way…”  
Captain Falcon observes the area, and hears marching in the distance. When he looks around, he only sees dusts in the air, in the vast array of darkness with the only source of light is the sunlight above them.  
Captain Falcon stutters “Th-th-they’re coming…”  
Star Fox wipes his tear and is seething. “W-What do you mean they’re still coming! How many of these androgynous fucks do we have to massacre!?” Star Fox walks in a few random directions breathing heavily. “We killed hundreds! Thousands!” Star Fox falls to the ground and laughs manically. He thrusts his fist at the sky. “WILL IT END!?!? IF YOU’RE GONNA KILL US! DO SO ALREADY YOU MONSTER!!!!!” Fox falls to the floor crying again.  
“Link…” said Marth. “Gives us the fucking hat.”  
“Uugh!” Link is still disgusted by the notion  
Captain Falcon observes his surroundings and sees humanoid figures approaching. “RIIIIINK! GIVE US THE HAT!”  
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”  
In the sea of dusty that surrounds the heroes, are an endless army of Wireframe Males and Females, Fighting Polygons, and Fighting Alloys are all running towards the heroes, in all corners.  
Star Fox gets up and takes out his blaster shooting at every random direction. “COME ON YOU BASTARDS! JUST TRY YOU KILL ME!” None of the laser blasts kill the random multi-mens, not even flinched. Link tries to add in the effort on bringing out his bow and shooting a few arrows at them, but killing none of them.  
Captain Falcon turns to Marth. “Marth…”  
“Yes Captain…” Marth responds.  
“I hate you. And I will always hate your twink ass. How can such a prissy boy like you be with the most gorgeous bounty hunter in the galaxy. I’ll never know… But y’know what. At least you’re not a 100% homosexual UNLIKE A CERTAIN ELF BOY IN TIGHTS” Captain Falcon angrily stares at Link.  
The Multi Men close into the heroes. Close enough where Captain Falcon can throw a few Falcon Punches at them, Marth parries a few of their attacks, and slices any that stand in his way, with purple blood staining his body and clothing. It’s the same for link. Fox uses a few kung fu moves, using Chun-Li’s kicks at the multi-men, using a few strong C-Moves to boot. But every small hit from the multi-men count. The heroes are getting tired.  
“I’m getting sick and tired of this shit! I will not allow my last stand be me sucking le french’s ball sack!” Star Fox is set on fire on and charge against several of the multi-men killing them. But he gets into a large section of the group, and fox is at his cooling phase, which allows the Wire Frame people to start eating Star Fox McCloud.  
Captain Falcon notices the wire frame people eating Fox. “FOOOOOOOOOOOOX!” Captain Falcon yells in agony. Captain Falcon gives a strong roundhouse kick at a charing multi man, and grabs Link. “LET GO OF THE FUCKING HAT.”  
Link mimics Captain Falcon’s speech pattern “Ah-Ah-HEEEYAH-NEH-nEH-neeeh!”  
“THEY KILLED MY BEST FRIEND YOU UNGRATEFUL FAIRY!”  
Marth starts to get more and more tired, The red fighting alloy smacks away the sword, and the fighting polygonal people start stealing Marth’s organs. Link also cries in agony at the sight of this. Captain Falcon slaps Link.  
“LINK! Your boyfriend is dead! ALL bECAUSE YOU WON”T GIVE UP YOUR GAY ASS HAT!”  
“EhehekFklne aaaaaaaah!” Link whined.  
“Okay, y’know what? Fuck you.” Captain Falcon charges his fist so hard he punched link to the past. Captain Falcon is all alone and keeps on fighting, and never stops.  
Link goes through some demoscene visuals that look like a 90s screensaver and teleports to Smash 64. The older and more modern Link notices he’s at hyrule castle where a younger and uglier link resides. A hurricane approaches the elder link and just beats the fuck out of it, and I think engages in sexual intercourse, and and eats it. He approaches the younger link without any pants and holds on to dear life to his pixelated texture collars.  
“Listen to me son…” Elder Link beckons. “Give me your hat…”  
“PIZZAAAAAAAAAAA” Younger link sasses.  
“The love your life will die…”  
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!?” The younger link expresses i fear.  
“NO! Not Zelda you heterosexual fool! The one you want to cuck…”  
“Aaaaah” Younger link understands.  
“Just give me your hat”  
“AAAH!”  
Elder Link throws his own hat at the endless texture abyss, and takes off Younger Link’s hat, and eats it, but chokes to death and dies. Younger link stares at at the dead body of his older self and says “Boy I don’t age well…”  
Vanessa Carlton’s A Thousand Miles Intensifies  
Super Smash Bros Melee Times.  
Link walks across the street of onnet town with peach and zelda on his arms. BUT not to far to the point of the black shadows of death. They walk pack back and forth. Mario is in the drug store walking across the aisles finding the medication he desires. He goes to the end of the aisle finding his medication.  
A person next to mario looks at him and engages. “Aye… You’re Mario aren’t you?”  
Mario doesn’t turn his head and nods.  
“I’m a big fan of yours. I loved all the games you’re in. Super Mario Bros 1, 2, 3, World.”  
Mario rolls his eyes trying to find the medication.  
“64… Land 1 and 2 were pretty damn good too… As well as sunshine…”  
Mario was confused by “sunshine” but shakes his head and tries not to pay any mind.  
“Galaxy, Galaxy 2, Odyssey… Funny how it all conveniently stops…”  
Mario sweats desperately finding the medication.  
“Are you looking for the ibuprofen Mario? Why would a video game character at such an athletic and youthful age need such a thing? Just sticks, filed with blocks, and a coat of paint… The thing is…”  
Mario stares at the man next to him and is horrified. It’s a man in playstation 7 graphics, and it’s Blood Falcon, but with the arm of a wire-frame man, a leg of a fighting polygon, and the chest is looks similar to a red fighting alloy’s pecs and has a single eye. Mario runs out of the store, and blood falcon laughs manically. As Mario exits out the store, blood falcon gets on the cashier’s counter and holds up their mic and sings:  
“MARRRRIIIIIOOOOO WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!”  
Mario runs out and looks back and forward and tries to run in the background to where he can use as a hiding space. As Mario runs there, he bumps into blood falcon.  
“Mario.” Blood Falcon explains. “In my prime, I was the fastest character in my game, that was during the Playstation 2 era, and you know how fast I ran? Come on guess without your charles martinet constipation fits.”  
Mario doesn’t utter and just shutters in fear.  
“I run at a 2.30 running speed in Super Smash Bros Melee. A .16+ acceleration… You run at a mere 1.50 in melee. Now. Technology evolves. Faster, stronger… Better… Imagine how fast I run now? Imagine how damn good I look?”  
Mario squints his eyes.  
“You have a voice don’t you? You comprehend language and english.. IT’S A ME MARIO! Why can’t you talk May-ree-oh? HUH!?” Blood Falcon knees Mario in the mouth. Causing Mario to cover his mouth. “Why can’t you tal-”  
‘HEY!” Link takes notice and shouts at Blood Falcon.  
Blood Falcon passive aggressive demeanor diminishes and is full of joy at the sight of link. “Link... “ Blood Falcon pushes Mario aside. “You did it… Y-You listened to me!” Blood Falcon gets closer. “You rejected the ha-” Blood Falcon got shot in the heart from Link’s glock. And yes he still has the hoes on his arms. I mean peach and zelda. “Link… Where’s… Your master swor…” Blood Falcon dies.  
“I sold it on ebay. I’m a pimp now.” Link answers. He looks around to see Mario, but sees him running away to the foreground exiting the stage still covering his mouth. Link shrugs and continue his pimp pacing.

36 years earlier.  
At a hospital, Dr. Mario is helping Nana the Ice Climber to give birth.  
“PUSH! PUUUUUSH!” Dr. Mario yells.  
Nana yells in agony.  
“YOU CAN DO IT YA DAMN THOT!”  
Nana gives birth to a baby muscular boy. Oh. I forgot Popo is there btw.  
“That is not my boy.” said Popo.  
“Well tough shit cuckarooni. Also that’s your sister… You sick fuck. Get the fuck out of my myspace page” said Dr. Mario as he spanks the baby. Which it cries. “What would you like the name the child madame?”  
“Captain… Popo...” Nana named.  
“AH what a beautiful name… Captain Popo Falcon it is…”  
35 years later…  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5LH-8IzDWY  
Yes this is canon  
1 year later but taking place after Link shot Blood Falcon.  
Captain Falcon wakes up from his bed, butt naked other than his helmet and breathes heavily. Captain Falcon grabs the picture frame next to him and it’s just him posing. No one standing next to him… He notices Jody Summer is next to him.  
“Oh Captain....” Jody expresses in sexual gratification. “That was amazing…”  
“GET THE FUCK OFF MY BED!!!” Captain Falcon punches the thot out of Jody Summers out of his bed. He approaches a large mid 90s futuristic computer in front on him and taps it on. He sees a greasy looking alien that looks unamused.  
“GRKTH’SHSSSSH FREFJl4”54SKtahdnm3DKL FAAH LAAAAA!” The alien on Captain Falcon’s computer screen expressed in disgust due to Falcon’s nudity and gives him a new bounty gig.  
“Okay.” Captain Falcon pretends to understand. “Who do I have to hunt this time…”  
“YEEEEEEfooloofffffff0scha1funkarua@h” Captain Falcon’s boss explains as he shows a picture of Link without a hat. Captain Falcon sees the man that turned his father into stone. He’s uncertain, he’s a protagonist himself, and his father constantly comes back to life, is it really worth the troub-  
“Alright I’ll do it.”

In Samus’s ship she sees a request to hunt down a new bounty. She approaches the planet that contains Hyrule. As Samus enters the planet it looks a helluva lot like Los Santos. A lot of fuckin orange, and most of the population is black and hispanic and gerudo with like one white human and like 10 elves. Samus lands on the 711 accidentally killing 9 people, and gets out of her ship and finds link. Uh, 10 hours later she finds him at some avant garde building that’s two stories tall and it’s near the woods where bigfoot is at. She enters and sees the hatless Link, and in fact, Link is glad she’s here  
“AH!” Link expresses in joy. “Samus! Welcome! Please! Have a seat!”  
Samus sits at the leopard skin couch.  
Link enters in the kitchen bringing out a few champagne, pouring a drink for himself and for samus. “‘I’m so glad you came. Now you may be wondering. Why da fuck does hyrule look so crunkin’? Well. That’s the funny thing. Did you know that Fire Emblem is set in the future yet they’re so behind? I said fuck to that, and I decided to sell monocles. You see, I saw an opportunity and I must improve, you know what I mean darling?”  
Samus shrugs.  
“Well. I opened my mind. The best day of my life, and we mate like fucking monkeys and constantly evolve our technology.” Link walks into his living room. “For fucks sake I can talk…” He places the drink on the table in front of Samus. “But there is a reason I’m glad you’re here.” Link sits next to Samus. “So you’re a straight woman right, a heterosexual if you will?”  
Samus awkwardly shrugs.  
“Do you understand the appeal of the penis? Because Samus darling… I think I’m gay…”  
Samus doesn’t respond.  
“I had sex with the hottest bitches in nintendo, and I was limp as a rope on wall… I like penis, and not the futanari kind either” Link blasphemes “I like hardcore male cock… I know. I know this is awkward… But please drink I don’t care if it’s like in those cartoons where you somehow drink through your visor… But I filed a divorce with the princess Zelda, and Los Santos becomes the reality. Chaos and Tyranny run rampant through the shipping wars, all because I like a willy to bring a filly... In uh... My anus…”  
“Link.” Samus actually speaks. “Enough of this bullshit. There’s something important I need to tell you…”  
“You’re coming out too darling?”  
“NO YOU FUCKING FAG! I need to get you ou-”  
“FALCON PAUUUNCH!” Captain Falcon punches a huge hole through Link’s house.  
“AYE!” Link shouted in offense “That was eco approved materials.”  
“Link…” Captain Falcon confesses “I like you man. But I can’t have you killing my famil-.” Notices Samus is in the room. “Oh… I see…” Captain Falcon leaves and cries.  
“Uh. O-K?”  
“Link.” Samus continues. “I need to get you out of this planet.”  
“UH. You say Hyrule like it’s an STD. Honey. If you don’t got nothing nice to say. Say it BUT don’t spray it hun.”  
“LINK! This is serious! You need your master sword back!”  
“Uh, what’s the point if I got a glock?”  
“It’s dangerous to go alone without it. You need it. Understand Link… It’s the only way…”  
“The only way wha-”  
Suddenly a man enters in slicing Samus in half. Captain Falcon turns around and yells NOOOOO, and Link brings out a glock trying to shoot him. But the man keeps deflecting with his sword everytime and slices off Link’s breast implants.  
“CLOUD!!!!” Captain Falcon shouts. “This is going too far.”  
Cloud Strife aims his sword at Captain Falcon “Hahaha you requested this…”  
Captain Falcon is shocked “No… I did-I COULDN’T OF!”  
“Heil play-stay-shun!”  
Captain Falcon, Falcon punches himself hard enough to go back five minutes in the past.  
“Falcon?” Samus asks in confusion, “what are you doing here?”  
“BRING LINK TO YOUR SHIP PRONTO!” Captain Falcon panics.  
“Wait wha-?” Link utters  
“STOP WASTING TIME!” Captain Falcon steals Link’s glock and shoots the Captain Falcon that Falcon punches the wall and grabs both link and samus into Samus’s Ship. “MOVE MOVE MOVE!”  
“Okay okay!” Samus aggravated!” I’m starting the damn ship with my face on it.” Samus starts teh ship and the three fly off into space.  
Cloud teleports into Link’s house, and notices no one is around. “You are making a mistake Captain Falcon…” 

 

At Planet Fire Emblem, Roy is getting sent to the guillotine with Marth. Everyone is booing and laughing at Roy, with Marth standing with the rich nobles. The executioner makes Marth kneel.  
“MARTH!” Yelled Roy. “You’re making a huge mistake!”  
Marth stands up. “You don’t plead guilty?”  
“OF COURSE FUCKING NOT! What am I even guilty for?”  
“You deny sex access to your sister.”  
“...WHAT. I am not fucking that incel of a whore. Plus I think she’s a leper.”  
“Roy! We take our the sacristy of our blood seriously! How else do we remain looking like anime abominations?!”  
The executioner kicks Roy head into the stand of the guillotine, and then quickly puts the latch down.  
Roy grinds his teeth. “You will regret this! I have admirers!”  
“Two people on angelfire aren’t a huge amount of admirers. You may proceed to chop his head.”  
The executioner drops the guillotine slicing off Roy’s head. Everyone cheers, and the executioner picks up the head. “Sire!” The executioner tosses Roy’s head at Marth catching it perfectly. “It’s fake.”  
“Thanks Larry, I know what a head feels like. I kill people… But it looks like we have a mage on our hands…”  
From the crowd, the Amazing Randi approaches Marth. “Actually, it’s an old trick I performed back in 1973 when I was touring with Alice Cooper and what I would do--”  
“Randi, don't ruin the surprise please.”  
“Marth.” said Princess Caeda who is next to Marth. “I’m not your sister…”  
“OH SHIT YOUR NOT!?”  
“Yeah, no one really cared either.”  
“So I wasn’t obligated the entire time!? PUT HER TO THE GUILLOTINE!”  
Everyone cheered.  
“WAIT WHAT!?”  
And so the merry men chopped of Caeda’s head and it was a real thing.  
“MEN!” Marth announced, “I am going to fuck Samus!” Everyone cheered again.  
“But how?” Randi asked.  
“I… Uh…” Marth brings out the master sword “I DUNNO I’ll helicopter out.” 

Back to Samus’s ship flying around in outer space. The ship is on autopilot and Samus makes coffee and gives a cup to Link to and Captain Falcon.  
“I should of asked this 3 hours of ago” Link admitted, “but what the hell is going on?’  
“Somebody put a bounty on you, and for some reason want you dead.” Samus explained.  
“Yesh,” Captain Falcon confirmed. “I was even going to take the bounty… But I can’t see a good girl sad…”  
“The hell are you talking about?” Link asked confazzled.  
“A-Aren’t you two…?” Captain Falcon points to Samus and Link.  
“Nah brah, I’m gay!”  
“WELL IN THAT CASE!” Captain Falcon lunges his fist back.  
Samus puts her arm cannon on Captain Falcon’s cheek. “HOLD IT THERE FALC’ why are you so willing to murder Link…?”  
“He killed my dad. He’s a good man, a man of justice. He just wants to bring order to Hyrule, and when I entered it, it smelt like piss.”  
“I think you’re becoming more and more like your father…”  
“A great man? Thank you!”  
“NO YOU NEPOTIST!” Samus brings out a VHS tape, puts it in the VCR and shows a recording of Blood Falcon kneeing Mario in the mouth.  
“... Are you color blind? I’M NOT RED!”  
“Your helmet is red.” Link described.  
“I’m telling you it isn’t m-”  
Samus puts her index finger on Captain Falcon’s lips, telling him to shut up. As the silence prolongs, a few rough bumps of sound are coming from the ceiling. Followed by… Sniffing...  
“I smell fear.” Cloud’s voice coming from the ceiling.  
The buster sword goes through the ceiling.  
“HOW CAN YOU BREATHE IN SPACE!?” Link panickedly asked.  
“I’M A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER!” Cloud answered arrogantly. “I’M MADE OUT OF PURE DIGITAL CODE! I DON”T NEED NO OXYGEN!”  
“So, wait. You do?”  
“N-nono, I mean I don’t need it, I-I just wanted to. To sound cool.”  
“Oh. Well it doesn’t.”

Back at Planet Fire Emblem, Marth is using the master sword flying right up passed teh atmosphere. Marth looks down and is scared.  
“AAAAH!” Marth screams. “MY GOD…! THE EARTH IS ROUND!!!! I must let my brethren know!” Marth brings out his smartphone and posts immediately on The Flat Earth Society Forums providing evidence that the Earth is round. Marh keeps flying up and got his kidney smashed by samus’s ship which allows him to let go of the master sword.  
“THAT’S IT NINTENSOYS!” Cloud yells “ONE MORE STAB AND-” Cloud gets stabbed by the Master Sword pushing him off the ship, drifting off into space.  
Marth climbs up on Samus’s ship knocking on the window. “AYE! Can I hitch a rid-” Marth notices Samus. “Hot damn, you’re hotter in my mind.”  
“Wait.” Link realized. “You know she’s a man. I mean he’s a woman?”  
“I’m subscribed to Nintendo Power… So can I come in?”  
“Yes.” Samus allowed.  
Marth uses his sword to smash open the windows of the ship and crawls in as shard glass enters his flesh, screeching in pain. Once he gets in, he acts like nothing happened.  
“Aye,” Link realized “I sold ya my master sword.”  
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, but I lost it.”  
“Ah okay. I would get pissed but I have sensational boner right now.”  
“So am I.”  
“Do you people not know what subtlety is?” Asked Captain Falcon.  
“We haven’t invented it yet.” answered Link.  
Samus points her blaster at Captain Falcon. “We aren’t done talking about this.”  
“YEAH! I just realized. I shot you.”  
Captain Falcon is baffled at Link.”Then how am I alive?”  
“Easy, you’re Ganon Jr.”  
“And isn’t your mom the immortal Ice Climber?” Samus realized.  
Captain Falcon opened his mouth in horror. “UH OOOOH!” slaps his own cheeks.

At Dr. Mario’s Office, Blood Falcon is on a hospital bed with a respirator on his mouth. Dr. Mario is wearing a medical mask writing his novel on his clipboard. He brings out a scalpel from his medical drawer.  
“Y’know…” Dr. Mario talks to himself loudly as he walks up to Blood Falcon’s comatosed body. “I have to do it.” As Dr. Mario is about to stab Blood Falcon’s body, he wakes up grabbing Dr. Mario’s arm squeezing it so hard when he lets go he causes a permanent ident.  
Dr. Mario drops his scalpel and Blood Falcon takes off his respirator and starts punching the fuck out of Dr. Mario while singing Brental Floss’s Dr. Mario parody. Until he got stab in the chest. The mysterious swordsman assist Dr. Mario to stand.  
“Thank you.” Dr. Mario thanked duh. “I have a change of plans… Take his body to Regular Mario’s house. I think it’s the Princess’s Castle, I’m certain they’re fucking like rabbits. Just take his body there and leave it… Do you think you can do this… Roy?”

“IT IS NOT ME!” Captain Falcon persisted.  
“My dear lady…” Marth said to Samus. “I am the master of no fap month.”  
“Uuuuuh,” Samus uttered in confusion. “Cool?”  
“You don’t need to waste your mechanical vigor on him. Let me handle it.”  
“Can you ejaculate on me instead?” asked LInk.  
“Link. I’m not going to ejaculate on him.”  
“Oh ha ha ha” Captain Falcon not taking Marth’s threat seriously. “DO you think you can out my Falcon Pun-”  
Marth brings out a full powered sword slice move, cutting Captain Falcon in half sending right out of the spaceship.  
“That was easy.” Samus remarked.  
“Anything for you my lust.”

Captain Falcon on Los Santos is at a small house full of dead fairies, getting his bullets taken out by Tingle. Captain Falcon gets in a deep sleep and sees the jewish OOT Ganon’s giant face talking to him in a demoscene space realm with random geometry flying everywhere, and Captain Falcon is buttnaked but his helmet because Sigmund Freud.  
“My Son... “ Ganon speaks. “Do you understand now…?”  
“Understand what dad!? What must I understand!?!”  
“You are given the phoenix’s curse. You died twice, and yet you keep coming back.”  
“W-wait, twice?”  
“Uh. Y-yeah? You just got sliced in half in space???”  
“No myself shot me…”  
“OhOH! WAIT A MINUTE! GODDAMMIT! Son.”  
“Yeah Dad?”  
“I think you can time travel.”  
“I know.”  
“...Kay take care.”  
Ganon wakes and accidentally punches out Tingle and runs outside and hops in his spaceship leaving the hell out of the planet.

On the top of Princess Peach’s castle, Blood Falcon is on there waking up from another coma, and sees Yoshi standing in front of him. Blood Falcon stands up and just stares at Yoshi.  
“ERGH!” Yoshi gruntled making his native mating sound.  
Blood Falcon Falcon Punches yoshi off the tower killing him and stretches his muscles. Mario suddenly appears behind him and Mario looks pissed.  
“AYEAYOU! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MAH HOUSE!” Mario yelled.  
“I’M GONNA END THIS!” Blood Falcon shouts as he leaps on Mario choking him “IT”S TOO BIG MARIO! IT”S ALWAYS TOO BIG!!!”  
Coincidentally Captain Falcon is flying above the Mushroom Planet and he ran out of gas thus crashing near Blood Falcon. Captain Falcon gets out of the ship seeing Blood Falcon choking Mario. “HEY!” Captain Falcon leaps on Blood Falcon exploding while shouting “YESH!!!”  
Blood Falcon is on a ledge constantly letting go and hanging on. Mario stands up and Captain Falcon walks up to the edge.  
Captain Falcon points at Blood Falcon. “You leave the plumber alone imposter!”  
“Younger me, listen!” Blood Falcon pleads “Your judgement is misplaced! Do not hate Link! HATE MARIO! He ruined everything!”  
“Link ruined Hyrule! He turned it from once a beautiful land to a hive of piss and hookers! Ganondorf was right the entire time!”  
“Oh Dad would do exact same thing and you know it!”  
“MY DAD WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING! HE’S A MAN OF PEACE AND LOVE!”  
“What the mamafucker is going on?” Mario commented.  
Blood Falcon gets back on and gives Captain Falcon the knee in the crotch, and suddenly an James Bond Luger falls next to Blood Falcon. He picks it up and shoots Mario. Mario shrinks in size and conveniently a star drops on Mario of which the little plumber jumps into Blood Falcon’s chest and starts climbing up into his brain.”  
“AAAKUGSDKndfkl” Blood Falcon rambled like I smashed my keyboard. Cause I did that.  
Captain Falcon gets up after his manhood pains wear off. “Oh shit…”  
“So yOu WaNa PlaY yOUR MaRiO GAMES?” Captain Falcon doesn’t answer. “I HAD A BIG RAIMS is a big taims. Mario might be super, but I’m super duper. With a big tuper.”  
“Was that english.”  
“My god… My god… I made a big mistake. I see everything now… I understand… Both sides of the coin…” Blood Falcon falls down and starts crying. “How could I be so stupid…”  
“Uh… Mario? Are you okay in there?”  
“I AM MARIO! The Mario in me is stuck in the brain… We become one person… I was wrong. NO I was wrong I WAS WRONG! NO I WAS WROOONG!” Captain Falcon is scared, Blood Falcon grabs his Scarf. “Captain Falcon… Find Link, make sure he is still not wearing a hat and for the love of god… Make sure he has wahahaha” Blood Falcon slaps himself. “Make sure he has his master sword… NOW GO!”  
“You don’t have to tell me that I was planning once you touched me.” Captain Falcon jets and gets in spaceship flying off despite running out of gas. Anyway.  
Blood Falcon continues to be delirious “Wahahahaaaa! GET OUT OF MY HEAAAD! I ALREADY APOLOGIZED! GET THE VISIONS OF MY NAKED MOTHER OUT OF ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” After several seconds Blood Falcon became silent. “Waahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” Blood Falcon nose becomes pinke, he gets morbidly obese. When he takes off his hemet what reveals is a jagged mustache and a yellow cap with an upsidedown M. 

“IMMA WARIO! IMMA GONNA WIN! WA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!”

End of Part 1


End file.
